Up until Covid hit, I was working at the casinos as a table games dealer. It became a very challenging job as people would blame you for their misfortunes and berate you as you had to stand there and take it. It is part of the job. When I started at the casinos, I was a loving, carefree, trusting and easygoing person. As the years wore on, I became cynical and borderline angry. The straw that broke the camel’s back was my last gig, where I was always helping out my boss by working on my days off or staying late. And if you know the casino business, we live on having holidays off which we only get 2 times in seven years. One Christmas, my boss scheduled me on my day off on Christmas. I was so angry. It was fair. He betrayed me, I thought. So my days were numbered after that and covid gave me an excuse to kiss the casino industry goodbye for good.
As I was working there, I would always look for heart in a heartless place. Maybe someone did something nice for someone else. Maybe someone was acknowledged for their hard work and dedication. It was hard to find and it was few and far between but I would find it. Someone would share their lunch with me, as they were Vietnamese and they wanted me to try their delicacy. Or someone would stand up for me on the blackjack table after she saw me mistreated by a player. It was these few gestures that got me through. And I knew there was good lurking in all possible corners of my workplace and I did find heart. I held onto that.
Now, as the world is turned upside down, I am still looking for heart in a world that seems to be riddled with fear, angst, depression and anger. I don’t go out in the world as much as I used to. And I know that there is A LOT of good out there. And that is what I’m looking for. My husband made breakfast for me. I appreciated that. My dog came up to me and wanted some love so I gave it to her. My friends called me to check on me when I was blue. I would look outside and see beauty and wonder of nature. I keep looking, no matter how small.
So if I can’t find good right away, I make my own. I use music to help uplift me when I’m feeling the heaviness of the world. I love Michael Franti and he brightens my day. I’ve about wore out the song “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley where he says “Every little thing is going to be alright.” I believe him too. I just need to be reminded when I feel despair and sadness. What are some of the good things happening in your world that brings heart to your life? What do you do to bring good into your life?